Guilt
by CrystalMaiden77
Summary: Coop tells Phoebe off for the way she treated him, and it gives Fiona the idea to do the same thing. It wasn't until after she approached her that she discovered how upset Coop had made her.


While walking in front of the fence of Phoebe's front yard, Coop was complaining to Dennis about how hard his life was, which got interrupted when Phoebe jumped out from behind the fence and startled him. " Hi, COOOOOP! " " Gah, Phoebe! " he shouted in surprise, while Dennis looked worried and nervous. She said lovingly, " Ohhhhhhhh, Cooooop, you're so _WONDERFUL!_ " Phoebe embraced him, and she only got a few seconds of hugs before Coop pushed her away nervously.

" Would you do me the _HONOR_ of letting me spend time with you today? " she asked with a nervous smile. Phoebe already knew what his reaction would be, but she figured that just asking couldn't hurt. " Ew, NO! " Coop exclaimed in shock, while Dennis looked _nervous._ Phoebe couldn't figure out why _Dennis_ would be nervous, since it wasn't _him_ that she was in love with, but she didn't care enough to ask. " A-Are you sure you don't wanna hang out? I-I don't see why not, " Phoebe said with a nervous smile.

" What do you mean, ' _WHY NOT?_ ' Why _WOULD_ I? What reason do I _HAVE_ to agree to something like THAT?! " Thinking he was being surprisingly harsh, Phoebe said sadly, " I just wanted to spend some time with you, Coopie, _even if it's just as a FRIEND..._ "

Getting fed up, Coop told her, " NO! No, Phoebe, no, the answer is NO! Why can't you take no for an ANSWER?! Why can't you just _LEAVE ME ALONE?!_ " Phoebe gasped. Dennis seemed a little shocked, too, only to say quietly in annoyance, " I've been pretty annoyed by your behavior, too, Phoebe, " much to her crushing disappointment. Even though she felt miserable and completely agreed with Coop, she still felt compelled to try and defend herself.

She said unhappily, " I'm _sorry_ , Coop! Really, I am! But it's _really_ hard not to show you how much I _CARE_ about you, when _barely_ _ANYBODY_ _appreciates_ _you_! It's _HORRIBLE_ the way people treat you, and you deserve _SO_ much more respect than you GET! I just wanted to try to make you feel _appreciated_ for once by treating you with _the_ _HERO WORSHIP that you DESERVE!_ It's not _my_ fault that you _somehow_ don't _like_ it. "

" _Hero worship_ doesn't involve knowingly making someone _UNCOMFORTABLE!_ It's just your _kindergarten excuse_ for trying to get _close_ to me, because _it's all about you, isn't it?_ It doesn't _matter_ how I feel, as long as _YOU_ get what you want! This isn't about showing me _appreciation_ and making me _happy_ , because if you _really_ cared about making me _happy_ , you'd stop _IGNORING_ my feelings and _LEAVE ME ALONE!_ But _obviously_ that's just _too much to ask..._ ISN'T it, _PHOEBE?_ "

He glared at her in contempt with his arms crossed, not noticing how devastated Phoebe was. Dennis looked a little worried and nervous when Coop said, " And don't even _TRY_ to manipulate me into kissing you with your _FAKE_ _CRYING!_ JUST GO AWAY! GO! " causing her to turn and run quickly back into her house, slamming the door behind her.

" That was awesome! " Dennis and Coop turned around and exclaimed happily, " Fiona! " She said, " Wow, you actually stood up to her! I'm impressed! You know what? I think I'm ready to go in there and stand up to her myself! That spiteful spoiled brat deserves to be told off! " Coop said, " Good luck! " as she walked into the house. Looking a little worried, Dennis asked, " Do you think you're going to regret this? " Dismissing his worries, Coop said, " Oh, relax, Fiona will be fine! " and walked away. Worried, Dennis muttered quietly, " That wasn't who I was talking about... " and followed him.

After entering Phoebe's house, Fiona went upstairs and stormed into Phoebe's room. After hearing the door get thrown open, Phoebe gasped sharply. She was lying in the bed on her side, so Fiona couldn't see her face. " PHOEBE, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU! " Suddenly, she heard Phoebe start sobbing into her pillow, breathing in sharp gasps. Phoebe was already feeling more miserable than she had ever been, and hearing Fiona yell at her while she was crying pushed her over the edge.

After staring in shock for a few seconds, Fiona rushed to her side and said, " PHOEBE! " But Phoebe, who believed that she was going to dismiss her crying as fake and yell at her like Coop, pulled the blankets over her head and started frantically wiping away tears, humiliated that Fiona had seen her at her most vulnerable. Fiona pulled the blankets down from over her head, and put her warm hand on her shoulder.

Surprised, Phoebe opened her eyes and stared through the tears at Fiona, who clearly felt extremely sorry for her. " I'm _so sorry!_ " Fiona apologized, as Phoebe slowly sat up. " I didn't know that you were so upset! I didn't mean to make you cry! " Phoebe wiped away more tears from her eyes, feeling terrible about herself, and was shocked when Fiona sat in front of her and put her arms around her, holding her close to her. Phoebe was startled by the sudden hug, but quickly became relieved that Fiona genuinely felt compassion for her, and was showing it when she needed it the most. Still quietly sobbing, Phoebe returned the hug after two seconds of a shocked reaction.

After six seconds of hugging her, Fiona let go and put her hands on her shoulders. " I'm not going to make fun of you for being upset. You have every reason to be! I'm going to stay here with you, and comfort you for as long as you want. I can't leave you alone like this! " Fiona hugged her again, saying, " I can't believe Coop didn't notice how upset he made you! How could he make you cry like that?! What an insensitive jerk! " When she pulled away the second time, she assured her, "Don't worry, sweetie, I'll talk to him. "

Fiona hugged her again, and Phoebe immediately returned the hug, silently telling her not to let go. Phoebe wanted to tell Fiona to not tell Coop she had been crying out of shame, but she was unable to speak without sounding choked up, and crying in front of her was humiliating enough. So, she continued to allow Fiona to show her compassion by hugging her, hoping that the tears would stop soon.

But they didn't. No matter how hard she tried to think happy thoughts and force herself to be happy, she couldn't. She was miserable. It wasn't just because she thought Coop had been unnecessarily mean to her all of a sudden. Phoebe completely agreed with everything he had said, because of how dangerously low her self-esteem had fallen after all those years of being avoided like the plague by the one person she looked up to. She believed that she was a nuisance and a spiteful spoiled brat with no redeeming qualities, all because she had no more confidence in herself. That was why it was so hard to swallow her pride and apologize, because she didn't have any pride left. All that would be left is an unbearable amount of self-loathing, which would cause her to break down crying at being unable to ignore how much she hated herself. She knew Coop didn't like her, and she knew it was all her fault. But she didn't see the point of trying to change because no matter what she did, it wouldn't get Coop to forgive her and let her at least be his friend.

That would've been the only thing that would end everything they were suffering from. She would stop feeling terrible about herself, and he would stop being bothered by her because she would stop flirting with him. But she saw no evidence that changing her behavior would get her any kind of reward, or even get acknowledged by him, so she didn't see the point. She saw no evidence that Coop would forgive her for the way she treated him, no matter how long she went without invading his personal space, and she saw no evidence that Coop would even agree to a friendship with her as a reward, so she didn't feel like taking the risk of apologizing for nothing.

She had always known that Coop hated her behavior and her personality, and it felt so terrible to think about that she pushed it into the back of her head, ignoring it as best as she could, in order to live a normal life. Phoebe retreated into a delusional fantasy world where Coop liked her, taking refuge in her imagination, because it was the only way she could make herself smile in front of him as he nervously made excuses to avoid her, as if he was disgusted to even be seen with her. Facing that reality was hard because she couldn't emotionally handle the truth, and the more she thought about it, the more it hurt her. So she spent her time around Coop ignoring reality for the sake of her happiness, desperately clinging to an image of reality she knew was false and acting like she believed in a delusional fantasy world for years, just to hide her heartbreak, guilt and utter despair.

In order to comfort herself over her situation and fool herself into having even a speck of hope, Phoebe once told herself that Coop was only rejecting her affection because he was too young to appreciate girls. But it became impossible to lie to herself about that anymore, when Fiona came into the picture.

It all became worse because of Fiona. She was the luckiest girl in the world, and didn't even know it. She didn't appreciate Coop nearly as much as Phoebe did, but was still lucky enough to have him without even trying. She didn't have to try to impress him or make up for years of mistakes to be his friend, she just was, and it broke Phoebe's heart, because she looked at Fiona and saw her in a position that she might never hope to fill. The only position that could actually make things better for her, and maybe even for Coop, while still allowing her to not ignore reality, was friendship. If she was at least friends with Coop, like Fiona was, she could have a reason to be happy without being delusional and making Coop's life worse.

Fiona proved to her that Coop didn't not like her because he was too young to appreciate her. Her situation wouldn't get better with time. It wasn't him, it was her. He didn't like _her_ , and that meant that something must have been wrong with her. And if he thinks something's wrong with her, that must mean he hates her, and if he hates her, that must mean he would be happier without her.

As she was thinking about this, with tears still coming out of her eyes, Phoebe allowed Fiona to hold her close to her and show her love and compassion, desperately trying to make her smile again. She even let Fiona stroke her hair, even though she wasn't sure if she enjoyed it or not. On the one hand, she thought it was extremely sweet and heartwarming, but on the other hand, she still didn't entirely like Fiona, and letting herself enjoy it too much would mean getting attached to her, and opening up to her, and she didn't trust Fiona enough to take that risk.

Phoebe wondered how much of Fiona's compassion was out of pity for her, and how much of it was out of guilt for yelling at her while she was upset. She decided she didn't care, because it didn't matter why she was comforting her. All that mattered, was that Fiona was showing her that despite everything that had happened between them, she still cared about her. She couldn't have hated her as much as she thought she did, because if she really hated her, she would've, at best, felt awkward and left the house, and at worst, called her a crybaby.

" Are you gonna be okay? " After a few seconds of deep thought, Phoebe nodded. She was still being held close to Fiona sitting in her bed, with tears coming out of her eyes, but she had stopped breathing in sharp gasps several seconds ago. " _Thank you,_ " Phoebe whispered reluctantly. Her voice was still sad and faltered quite a bit.

" You're welcome, " Fiona replied. She pulled away from the hug, and quickly kissed her forehead to show her compassion. Phoebe looked at her in amazement and confusion, only to smile a little. " It'll be okay, " Fiona promised her while stroking her hair with her other arm around her back.

" I don't hate you. Okay? It should be obvious by now that I _care_ about you, and I _never_ wanted to get you upset like this. Let's just focus on trying to _forget_ what happened and be _happy_ again.

I won't leave your side until you tell me it's okay. " Not wanting to admit that she was getting attached to her, Phoebe asked nervously, " Do you _promise?_ " Fiona nodded with a nervous smile.

" I promise. Come on. Let's go watch TV to get your mind off it. I'm sure I can get my Auntie Munson to agree to letting me stay here for a few hours! She'd be thankful I wasn't spending time with Coop! "

Phoebe followed her out of her room and downstairs. She went into the living room, and sat on the green couch after she turned on the TV. After calling Mrs. Munson on the phone and telling her where she was, Fiona came up to Phoebe and asked, " Want me to get you some blankets? " Phoebe nodded, and she left briefly, returning several seconds later with blankets in her hands. Fiona covered her over with the blankets while she was sitting up on the couch, and Phoebe was surprised when she covered herself over with the same blankets and sat beside her.

" Oh, um, you _are_ okay with me being so _close_ to you, right? " Fiona asked nervously. She couldn't believe she had forgotten to ask Phoebe that in the first place. She realized that she was lucky Phoebe allowed her to hug her so much without permission. Phoebe nodded, smiling a little. She would've preferred it if Coop was the one asking that, but she _needed_ someone to comfort her, no matter who it was, and she'd rather Fiona saw her cry than Coop.

She'd rather die than risk Coop thinking she was a pathetic crybaby... Suddenly, her smile faded, and Fiona hugged her to comfort her.

" Don't worry, Phoebe, I'm sure he'll apologize to you eventually! I'll _make sure of it!_ " Slightly embarrassed, Phoebe wiped away more tears and said, " Please don't. I don't want Coop to think I'm a crybaby! " Fiona said with a nervous smile, " Phoebe, there's a huge difference between crying over spilled milk and crying because someone you admired said really mean things to you. "

There was a brief silence as Phoebe looked at her sadly, clearly feeling even worse as her thoughts returned to Coop, and Fiona stammered before continuing, " What I meant was, he's not going to _blame_ you for getting upset after the way he treated you. Even if I _don't_ tell him you cried, he'll still feel _terrible_ about it later. He has to! I can't imagine him being such an insensitive jerk and not feeling guilty about it! " Phoebe muttered, " He does that all the time and never says he's sorry... "

" What, he yells at you? " Fiona finally pulled away from the hug. Phoebe said, " No, that's not what I meant. Coop hurts my feelings without knowing it _all the time._ Every time he refuses to spend time with me and avoids me like the plague, it hurts! He never gives me the time of day without me having to HUNT HIM DOWN! He acts like he's DISGUSTED to even be _seen_ with me! Like I'm worthless! Like I'm nothing more than an annoyance! Like there's _nothing_ good about me that would make him _like_ me!... And it wouldn't be so heartbreaking if he wasn't _right..._ "

Fiona felt terrible about how she had reminded Phoebe of Coop and made her feel much worse. Phoebe said sadly, " The amount of things that are good about me can be counted on one hand! No wonder he hates me! "

" No, no! Coop doesn't hate you! " Fiona said in shock. " Right, he just hates the way I act, and my personality, and the fact that I exist. Y-You just don't know how horrible it feels to be hated by someone you love! He means the world to me! _The world would not exist for me without Coop!_ He's done _so_ _much_ for _everybody_ and _never_ gets _any_ thanks, and it _breaks my heart_ to see him treated the way he is! All he wants is to be _appreciated_ for once, but whenever _I_ appreciate him and treat him like a _hero_ , he _suddenly_ hates it! All I want to do is make his life better but that's not gonna be possible if he won't _let_ me! All I wanna do is make Coop happy but all I can do is make him feel _worse!_ All I am is a _pest!_ A _vermin!_ A _useless_ waste of air!... You just don't understand how _lucky_ you are, Fiona... I'm tired of this life. I'm tired of feeling like this _every_ single _day_ , like the only point of living is loving, and the only point of loving is dying away and the only person I _exist_ for is _Coop_ , _but he exists for so many other people_ that I _don't_ , _matter..._ I don't matter to _anyone!_ " Her voice faltered and broke at the last word.

" You matter to _me!_ " Fiona exclaimed before hugging her for six seconds, feeling sorry for her. There was a silence as Phoebe wiped away more tears. She sighed, and said, " I'm sorry, Fiona... " There was another silence before she continued sadly, " I'm sorry, but I just can't talk about Coop right now without getting upset. Let's talk about something else. Or better yet, we can not talk about anything at all, because right now, _everything_ reminds me of Coop! " Her voice broke at the end of her sentence, and she started sobbing again.

Desperate to get her to smile again, Fiona hugged her for six seconds, and then gave her another kiss on the forehead. Phoebe opened her eyes, wiped away her tears, and smiled nervously. She was still confused about whether she appreciated the affection or not, but she was glad Fiona was trying to make her feel better for once. " Let's _try_ to _get your mind off it,_ alright, _sweetie?_ I'll find something for us to watch. " Keeping one arm around Phoebe's back, she pulled away from the hug, picked up the TV remote, unmuted the TV and changed it to a channel she liked. Phoebe was still getting used to the way she was being treated with compassion by Fiona, so she was naturally shocked at being called " sweetie, " but it didn't make her any less grateful that she was being comforted.

They proceeded to spend hours watching TV together, eventually having popcorn while watching a movie on the couch, and not once did Fiona remind her of Coop. Phoebe secretly enjoyed the quality time with her, and took the opportunity to get to know her better. Of course, she was still extremely jealous of Fiona, and for good reason, but for once, she was able to ignore her jealousy and enjoy spending time with her anyways. And it felt wonderful.

Eventually, the phone rang, and when Fiona answered it, she was startled to hear Mrs. Munson yelling at her on the phone. She quickly said, " Okay, okay, I'll be home soon! " and hung up, before explaining, " She wants me home for supper. Sorry, Phoebe. " Phoebe said, " Oh, that's okay, " as Fiona walked towards the door. " And, _Fiona?_ "

Fiona looked back at her in confusion. " _Thank you for saving my life._ " Phoebe smiled nervously at her to hide the sadness.Assuming she was referring to when she saved her from falling off a cliff, Fiona replied, " No problem! It's about time I got thanked for that! See you tomorrow! " and left the house.

When Fiona exited Phoebe's house, she was surprised to see Coop and Dennis on the front lawn again. Coop exclaimed, " Fiona, thank goodness you're alright! You were in there for so long, we thought Phoebe had _killed_ you! " He hugged her, and was surprised when she pushed him away immediately and said with her hands on her hips, " Have you _finally_ decided to _apologize_ to her? " Confused, Coop asked, " Huh? Wh-What do you mean? Why would I apologize for standing up to her? I thought you were proud of me! " Fiona said angrily, " I _was,_ until I saw how it made _Phoebe_ feel! She was _devastated!_ I had to spend three _hours_ doing _nothing_ but _hugging_ her! And it would've been _really_ sweet if she wasn't _crying!_ "

Coop and Dennis gasped, and Fiona immediately clasped her hands over her mouth in shock.

" Oops! I told her I wouldn't tell you that... " Feeling sorry for her, Coop said, " Oh, man, I made her _cry?!_ " with his hand against his forehead in regret. Dennis said, " I _told_ you that you were gonna _regret_ this! " feeling sorry for her as well. " I'm gonna go apologize to her, " Coop told Fiona unhappily. He reluctantly rang Phoebe's doorbell as Fiona walked away, still upset with him.

When Phoebe opened the door, she stopped smiling at seeing Coop and Dennis in front of her. Coop apologized sadly, " _I'm sorry,_ Phoebe. I was _way_ too hard on you! I shouldn't have _yelled_ at you. I was just in a bad mood today, so _anything_ would've set me off! I probably hurt your feelings, and, I _really_ regret it... Do you forgive me? Are there no hard feelings? " There was a brief silence as Phoebe stared at him sadly, unsure about what to say. Finally, she said something that shocked him.

" _Dennis?_ I want an apology from _you_ , too. " Phoebe looked really sad as Dennis asked in shock,

" HUH? But, _why?_ " and she explained unhappily, " I was _counting on you to stick up for me!_ You _disappointed_ me. I thought you were supposed to be _nice,_ but when you just _agreed_ with him when he said those mean things, _it really hurt my feelings._ " She sighed, and her eyes were downcast. She wasn't expecting to get an apology at all. She just wanted to be honest with him for once.

There was a brief silence, as Dennis was still getting over his shock at Phoebe actually talking to him for once. " I'm _really sorry,_ Phoebe... I didn't mean to let you down. " Phoebe was surprised that he actually apologized, as she was worried that she was severely pushing her luck. She smiled a little and said, " Okay, Dennis. I forgive you. I forgive _both_ of you. I won't hold it against you. Thanks for apologizing to me, guys, I _really_ appreciate it. "

Coop said in relief, " _Good_ , I'm glad that's settled. See you later, " and walked away, thankful that Phoebe wasn't asking him to kiss her to make up for it. But Dennis stayed there so that he could say to her, " You... you really think I'm nice? " He smiled at her, thinking it was sweet. He didn't even know she cared about him, let alone thought positively of him. She nodded with a smile, and shut the door, knowing that saying anything else would make him mistakenly think that she liked him as more than just a friend, and ruin everything.

Phoebe went back upstairs and into her bedroom, and pulled a piece of paper out of the green shelf next to her bed. That piece of paper was a note, and on that note, was a list of words describing everything she hated about herself. The words, " spiteful, " " entitled spoiled brat, " " emotionally unstable, " and " hateful pest, " were just a few of the insults she wrote in a circle around the word, " Phoebe. " Below the words was the sentence, " I hate Phoebe! " and teardrops were visible on the paper. Below that was the sentence, " Try not to be too happy that I'm gone. "

Phoebe held the note in her hand with an uncertain look in her eyes, only to smile warmly when she remembered how Fiona had dedicated hours just to making sure she'd cheer up, even though she was supposed to hate her. Having changed her mind, she ripped the note into pieces and threw the pieces in the garbage, thinking to herself happily, " _This was a wonderful day._ "


End file.
